Questioning Myself

I am joining Erin at Living in Yellow in answering the following questions.  Some of them were a little more difficult then others.  Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend!! 

1. If you could do one thing differently in your life, what would it be?

Not that long ago I would have said about the same answer as Erin's but I have realized that I hold on too much to what I could have done differently.  I am an over-thinker and a what-ifer and it was beginning to get in the way of my life.  So I have stopped (for the most part) asking myself that question.  Awhile back I had written the following... "If I had the chance to, I would go back and do it all over again, but this time, yes, I think I would do things differently. Is it possible to do that and still end up with the same future; still be right where you are?"  At times in my life I thought the answer to that question could be yes.  It can't be! If I had done anything differently I wouldn't be who I am, I probably wouldn't be married to the man I am married to (if married at all) and I wouldn't be in the place I am now.  I have learned to embrace that and be content with that and realize that there is a reason things happened as they did, because things are as they should be.  I think if I did have to pick one thing it would have been to have spent more time learning all that I could from my Mimi, because that would not have changed anything other than to make me a stronger woman and to give me more time cherishing her.  

2. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Oh man! 5 years from now?  I see myself content (happy).  I see myself loving the life that has been given to me and learning how to embrace it.  I am thinking there may be kids in there somewhere (my own).  I am hoping that my photography will have flourished and grown and that I will still be blogging.  I am LOVING both and I am hoping that I don't give them up, because I can have a tendency to let life sidetrack me.  

3. Do you honestly want kids?

Yes (though not for a bit)! Things got a little iffy there for a while if I am being honest.  My entire life I have never not wanted children.  Having children was always my main focus and goal in life.  Last year was an interesting time and I had a slight 'freak-out, how-can-I-bring-kids-into-this-world' break from my own reality.  I think that time in my life was needed.  It has taught me that children (though they can be a large focus) can not consume my being.  They have to be apart of my being.  I have to live and let them live and still embrace life outside of my children on occasion (we will see if I actually hold true to this haha), otherwise I will not be doing them, myself, my husband, or those around me any favors.  Life is a balance and it all has to even out.  

4. What has been the best moment of your life so far?

I have had a lot of great moments.  It is hard to decide on one.  For now, I am going to go with this evening right here.  

This was one of my first dates with Babe (our first movie date if I remember and I love the movies) but it was also the day that my nephew was born.  I had rushed to the hospital from school and was there when he came into this world.  Seeing a baby come into this world is a miracle and this is the first one I had ever witnessed.  I loved that little soul from the first moment I saw him.  After visiting and pictures I rushed over to meet Babe and some friends at the movie.  There was so much hope that night, so much happiness.  I can still remember the feeling like it was yesterday.  

5. What is your life theme song?

Oh my?! I feel like I would need a theme song ensemble...  It would definitely include some country music (I'm thinking "My Life's Been a Country Song" or "Love Like Crazy"), the theme song from Friends, maybe some Casting Crowns, it's gotta have a little Tim McGraw thrown in there, and some Reba too.  I am also loving the new "This Ain't My Mama's Broken Heart" song by Miranda Lambert; that whole "run and hide your crazy and start acting like a lady" part ?! Yup, I think that's pretty fitting too.  I'm also going to add a little, "Don't worry, be happy" because I find myself singing that a lot.  Ok, I think I am done now.  

6. What is one thing you have yet to accomplish that you want to do before you die?

I want to learn how to truly let things go.  I want to embrace life and not worry about things that I have absolutely no control over (give my worries to God). I would like to stop thinking I have control over them.  And motherhood, I would like to know what is like to have a life growing inside me before I die. Oh, and I would like to see my name on the cover of a book.  The question said "more than one thing" right?! 

7. If you could choose one thing to be known for, what would it be?

Being good to those God gave me to love... Being a good mother, a good wife, a good friend, a good daughter, a good sister, etc. 

8. If you could do anything you wanted right in this very moment (no consequences, no fear, etc), what would it be?

Cruise, I would cruise!! Someone take me now please?! 

9. What has been the most challenging moment in your life?

A few months ago I probably would have said the past year up until a few months ago has been a pretty good size challenge for me.  I asked myself more questions than I ever thought I would and some came back with unknown answers. However, looking back, as challenging as some moments were I have learned so much and I think I am a stronger person woman for it.  I think if I had to pick one moment though it would be the death of my grandmother.  I did not cope well. Oh how I wish she had been around this past year.  Just the comfort of being with her would have been enough to calm some of the choppiest days.  

10. Summarize yourself in one word.

Me personally (or at least the way I see my life sometimes): Chaos... but beautiful chaos (and not the appearance kind) 

I found a quote not long ago that I felt summed me up pretty well, "She is a mess of gorgeous chaos and you can see it in her eyes." 

My life: Blessed, so blessed! 

*If this hasn't helped you realize it, I am also not a one word type of gal.  The whole just-one-word thing is very hard for me.