Oh the Shame! Thought of Changing my Name

This post is coming straight to you from Disneyland!! These were originally suppose to be scheduled posts in order to keep up with the challenge but as these hadn't been fully tweaked I am excited to get to 1.) share with you where we ended up and 2.) have the chance to get them fully ready.  I am super excited to be at Disneyland, as I never thought I would get a Disney-get-away being an Orlando girl. Babe done himself good!  

I have had a slew of moments that are embarrassment worthy.  Middle school was treacherous.  Got a stool stuck on my head and was made to sit at the front of the class until we could get it off, had my bathing suit top ripped off at an 8th grade pool party, this list goes on.  I don't embarrass easily, I just chalk it all up to my quirks and character (and maybe the fact that middle school gave me thick skin when it came to embarrassment). As moments go though I guess in hindsight they could be considered embarrassing.  Two recent ones have happened within a week or two of each other and include the movies, Wally, and cash money. The first movie was a documentary that we had gotten tickets too through another movie.  We went during the day and I planned on ordering just a kids pack of popcorn because I had already eaten lunch (I have to have popcorn anytime I see a movie).  Well I go to order while she stated walking to the theater.  She rounds the corner out of my sight when I realize I have no credit card and no cash! My reaction? Scream "Wally?! Come back!! I ain't got no money!" This reaction prompted many snickers from the line of people waiting behind me and an exasperated "Oh girl" as she came back around the corner. Then the line was is graced with our conversation about where the heck my credit card is, which I then realize I left at a restaurant Babe and I went to the evening before.

Movie two was pretty much the same set-up.  Wally and I go to see Life of Pi. We decide to go to the local dollar theater.  We arrive, this time credit card in hand, only to see that they accept cash only! Luckily it was just the poor girl behind the counter that had to be graced with our "Oh girl" banter.  Still a little embarrassing.  Don't worry, I treated her to dinner after the movie. 

*I also now recommend trying your local dollar theater.  We got two movies, popcorn and a drink for $10 total! That plus walking into creaky seats, not much rise in theater slope and a crackly smaller screen just took us straight back to elementary school because that was all theaters were when we were little.  However, if like our theater it hasn't been changed/ cleaned since we were in elementary I would not recommend even trying to use the bathroom.  We couldn't!

Moments and Memories

Since today's post from Jenni's challenge is supposed to be a moment in our day and since I am actually writing this in the past and not today because today is the future and I am off in some foreign land that Babe has whisked me off to as a surprise I am going to share a moment with you from a completely different day altogether.  Ok, did any of that make sense to you?! I don't know if it did to me.  Basically, since I am gone to some unknown destination this post was prewritten and scheduled.  I am hoping (as my past self writes this) that wherever I am as you read this I am embracing whatever unexpected place I may find myself.

Enjoy these pictures from a recent moment in one of our days... dinner with the May May (one of our nieces).

I realize I am not actually in any of these.  My moments in time typically take place behind the camera (or in this instance the iPhone). She melts my heart though and I have to capture that!

Am I Qualified for Giving Advice?

Tomorrow will be my first scheduled post ever.  I did not remember, when committing to this challenge, that I would be gone for 5 consecutive days.  I am hoping I get it right.  If not I shall return (hopefully) on Monday to post what I have missed.  In the meantime wish me luck as I embark into the brave unknown this morning.  Babe has planned a surprise trip for our anniversary!! 3 years today!!!

Today's challenge was advice for others. 
Advice for others?! I need advice for myself! So I think I will start there and maybe the advice for myself will work for you too?!
  Cherish life! Every minute of it, even the challenging ones.  Maybe especially the challenging ones.  Those are the teaching moments.  Learn something new everyday, even if it is only something small that you learn from the little moments.  Remember to tell the people you love how much you love them.  Care for people, even when it hurts.  Learn to understand that sometimes you have to let go of certain things, including people. Learn to realize the sometimes caring for the people you have been entrusted to love means setting boundaries, backing up and not doing everything you can to "help" the situation. That is not helping it is enabling.

Embrace everything about yourself; embrace the flaws and the areas where you fail.  Understand and come to terms with your past, tell it good-bye, thank it for what it taught you and move on to the present.  Try not to live in the future either.  You can look forward to the future, you can try to plan for it (though that whole tell God your plans and hear him laugh thing comes into play at least for me), but living in it robs today of it's beauty.

Just live! Breathe, embrace, take it all in and live.  Be content, yet always push yourself towards great things!

These moments, the little ones (like this day right here)... Cherish them!

Fearing Fear'

It's day 7 of Jenni's challenge and looking back I think I may have used some of the things for this post, things we are afraid of, in the post for things that make me uncomfortable. 

I think I kind of suck at being afraid of things because the things that scare me the most are things that are ultimately unavoidable.  They also aren't very tangible and therefore harder fears to destroy.  I love a scary movie.  I will scream as everything and love each scary moment at the same time.  I sometimes scream in kids movies (yes, I have been laughed at).  However, I know that after I scream the fear is gone; the scene changes.  I know that the movie is just a movie and I pretty much know walking into it what to expect (duh, I done seen the trailer).  What scares me the most are those unseen things; the "demons" that hide in the clear light of day.

I fear change and I fear the unknown.  I like knowing what to expect. I fear loss; of any kind really.  Death is, for me, the hardest form of loss; at least in earthly terms it's permanent. I would like to think if I was more prepared for it I wouldn't fear it so much but I was somewhat prepared for my Mimi's passing and that rocked me in a way that I have never been rocked before.  Loss outside of death scares me too though.  I fear losing friends.  I fear not having those relationships that I care so much about.  I fear that changes in lifestyle, in growing up, in timing will create valleys and trenches between me and the people I love.  I know that this is irrational.  I know that if the relationships are really as strong as I trust they are it won't matter.  I fear it anyways.  I fear loss even when it is something (or someone) I should probably let go of anyways. I still have no logical explanation for this and I am working on letting it go.  I fear letting things go, giving over control and letting someone else take the wheel. 

Sometimes, I fear myself.  This was a tough thing to learn. I fear the things I sometimes want (the above quote is one that I found not long ago that spoke to me on so many levels).  I fear my strength and my own ability to keep the people I love safe.  I fear the ability within myself to keep my life happy.  I believe that we are each given what we need to embrace our lives and make them happy ones. That belief scares me because in the end, if I mess everything up with choosing one path over another, I have no one to blame but myself.  At the same time I don't think I would have it any other way.   It is like driving in a car on an icy mountain road in the middle of a blizzard (yes, this Florida girl has done that... once). I would much rather be the one in the drivers seat because if I die, I am going to be the one to take me out.  I think I fear placing my life in someone else's hands.  This may go back to why I fear loss.  If I have put stake in someone to the point that losing them would cause me great pain, then I have given them a part of myself, a part of  my life.  I fear that in losing them I not only lose the relationship but I lose a part of me, as if somehow piece by piece I will be left with nothing but the shell of the person I once was. I ultimately know this is untrue.  I know that I can be myself on the other side of loss, that I can overcome fear; but in moments I am utterly terrified of these things, of myself and of my inability to control them.   

Doing Me

It's Day 6 of the blogging everyday through May challenge with Jenni and much of the blogging world. What do I do if I can't write about what I do (job wise)?

 

Well, my job is kind of about doing what I love right now because I have an amazing husband who is giving me the flexibility to pursue my passions. I do photos; when I am working and when I am not working; with my DSLR and with my iPhone (though poo on those photos because I still haven't gotten the iPhone thing down, I just joined that revolution a few months ago); of anything and everything.  I am blessed that I now get to explore taking that love to a new level.  I am loving doing that; even though sometimes it still fills me with a bit of anxiety.

 

I love kids. This is also done when I am working and not.  I do love my kids I nanny for, just as I do love spending time with my nieces and nephews.  We had my niece over the weekend and I spent my time doing the Aunt Mel thing.  I love being called Aunt Mel (to date it is my favorite name in the world).  I do nails, I do stories, I do lullabies and I do night-night and good morning hugs and cuddles. Love!

 

Outside of those two loves I do me. I do movie nights with Babe.  I do dinner and drinks with friends.  I sometimes do a night out (though not very often; I am also doing the getting old thing). I do church. I do a good book while basking in the sun on the patio, or at the beach, or in the tub (though obviously the tub part wouldn't be in the sun because well, ain't nobody gunna wanna see that).  I do too much TV when I sit down to catch up on just one show, which then turns into just one a few more. I do the wifey thing (though that is the hardest role to learn), the friend thing, the sister thing, and the daughter thing. I do the alone time thing which consists of either, a sometimes two hour, bath or some Audrey Hepburn movie watching.  I do movies to put me to sleep on nights when my brain just won't stop running, usually Harry Potter or some Haley Mills movie because they both soothe me (Harry because I love it and it comforts me and Haley Mills because something about her voice and demeanor lulls me like a lullaby). I sometimes do a little bit of the cray and a little bit of the worry thing, I mean I am a woman, it seems to be ingrained. I guess I just do life. I try to embrace the little moments, I cringe at the ones that could provoke change, and I mourn the ones that bring lose. It all adds up to life though so I guess I just do the living thing; just living my way. I do me!