Trait-or!

Day 24 of the challenge and I am cringing again! Oh man, my three worst traits? Well, if I must! 

Babe would probably consider my inability to stop taking pictures one of them, notice the expression?! I love playing around with my iPhone camera on car trips because I am still learning how to use this dang thing!! 

I started this morning by asking Babe what he considered my three worst traits.  I knew his first one before he spoke it but since I already talked about sucking at life laundry and cleaning I won't even count that one.  But just a side note, he is currently cleaning the kitchen while I type this because I am a tad behind on catching up with this challenge and emails. Bless him! I did clean my car out this morning though (because you totally wanted to know all that, right?!) Points for me!

His second was my inability to handle change and since I have talked about that in almost every post this challenge I think I will leave that one alone too.  So he lost, he gets no say in my three worst (spoken of today) traits.

Instead I will start with one from my person.  I am not sure if she would say this is my worst one (I will ask her when I see her in a bit) but I know it is one that drives her crazy on occasion. I can't just say things! You see Wally is blunt; like very.  She knows this, she embraces it! Me? I am the exact opposite; I try to embrace it.  I will talk around something for hours and then say, "you know what I mean?" and make her tell me what it is I have been trying to say. Which for the most part she does but sometimes she is just like, "get to the point.  Just say it already!!" I do that when I am nervous, I do it when I tell a story (I can tell some long-winded stories) and I -really!!- do it when I am trying to say something that I am not sure if the words will come out right and I don't want to say the wrong thing and offend/ hurt someone.  I do not like stirring the waters!!  So if these posts ever seem long-winded and don't make much sense (kind of like this paragraph), well, imagine me biting my lip in nervous anticipation ("you know what I mean?!").

Number two would be one I have dubbed myself because it is the one that leaves me hurt the most. I am learning to realize that I am trusting to a fault. I used to think being so trusting was a good thing.  While I still err on the side of believing it is, there are moments where it really trips me up. I used to live with a double pair of rose colored glasses on. The world has made me take off one pair permanently and sometimes I have to put the other pair on the top of my head so that I can see things clearly. It was a hard lesson to learn that some of the people you love the most and are so loyal too just aren't going to be the same for you in return. It stings, it burns and for a while it made me somewhat bitter.  It makes me think it is all me, that I am not worth being loyal too.  I know that is not really the truth, but it just seems that way. The hardest thing is feeling used and knowing that when people were getting something out of you they loved having you around, but that as soon as there was not much more you could give them then they became more like mere acquaintances. I have started to see this as just differences in people, in personalities, not in a bad way but just as the way things are and that is OK. I just have to learn to trust with eyes wide open.

I am also horribly indecisive (my sister reminded me of this one).  This is why you now (kind of) have five worst Melanie traits instead of just three.  It is also why I can never pick where to go to dinner. Please just make the decision for me! I am truly a waiters worst nightmare.  "So which do you think is better? Can I get it with this instead of that?" Then half the time once I have made up my mind I realize I really wanted to other choice and Babe runs them down before they put the order in.  I am sorry (I promise I tip accordingly)! This is not just a food related issue (I spend hours upon hours at Redbox)! It is a life issue! Gah, make up your mind girl!

So now that I have shared some of the nitty gritty and based on reading this back possibly confused the heck out of some of you because I don't think this made much sense, I hope if you are reading this that you have a had a beautiful week.  

Now that we have shared some of our worst traits, think about your three best? Which list seemed easier to come up with?!

Life Lessons from Words and the World

Hang onto your hats folks, it's going to be a bumpy ride! (Lesson #1)

So day 23 and we are sharing things we've learned that school won't teach you.  First off, whoa, loaded topic!  Books, cleverness? Yes, school is meant to teach you those things.  But as Hermione taught me, there are more important things.  However, I feel if I looked closely enough with adult eyes at all the things school can teach you outside of books the list would be quite long. There is a lot of life that goes on within a school campus but my young mind was not mature enough to grasp everything I could  have learned from it. Life is the best teacher and that can be done outside school grounds just as much as in them.  School may be able to teach you some about life, but I don't think it prepares you enough for it.  Especially considering that degree I worked so hard for, I only used about two years and doubt I will use again.

A lot of my life lessons I have learned along the way and many of the have been learned the hard way. I have learned a lot from words.  Or at least they have summed up what I learned and were put into words by someone else that said what I learned better than I could.  So that is where I will start.

"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn." C.S. Lewis
My experiences have taught me the most. And sometimes they are hardest lessons to learn. They have shaped me and empowered me and will continue to do so, I am sure, until the day I die. In school a lot of my experiences were controlled in a setting where my mistakes couldn't really hurt me that badly.  They don't teach you that the outside world doesn't really work that way.

"I realize that life is risks.  It's acknowledging the past but looking forward.  It's taking a chance that we will make mistakes but believing that we all deserve to be forgiven." Carrie Ryan, The Forest of Hands and Teeth
Our past is a part of us, just as much as our experiences. The risks we take, the chances, they all lead us down one road over another.  We may have to take a u-turn and try again but I believe that I am forgiven.  Even if it only means I have forgiven myself.

"It's never been a perfect world.  It's never going to be. It's going to be hard, and scary and, if you're lucky, wonderful and awe-inspiring.  But you have to push through the bad parts to get to the good." Carrie Ryan, The Dark and Hollow Places
Oh, that perfect world! The one they make you believe is waiting for you once you finish all the schooling they have been force feeding you.  I think this was one of the toughest lessons I have learned.  Life isn't perfect. It is not this immaculate, beautiful fairy tale that they read to you from stories. Life is what you make of it.  There are bad moments; those shall pass.  There are great moments; those will most likely pass too.  The good moments, the content ones?! My hope looking forward is that I see the most of them and find a steadiness in them that continues to make this imperfect world seem just a little brighter.

Life is messy.  It is blessed.  It is human.  We are all imperfect people and we all live in a broken and imperfect place, but there is greatness here.  There is love and beauty and happiness. We can strive for it daily and sometimes we will fail but we go on another day and we embrace it.  Because the messy moments make the pretty ones more beautiful and the beautiful ones give us something to hope for when we are weeding through the mess.

Oh No She Didn't!

Hang in there folks, it's day 22 and I am getting a little feisty! 

When I first read through the list of topics and saw the one for today I cringed. I was thinking “I do not like to rant in public; I do not like to stir the waters.” However, Babe and his ears have heard me rant upon occasion. He suggested I share about my thoughts on taking babies places (because he has gotten ear fulls on some of that business).

I do not currently have children of my own but take claim too many.  Due to the fact that in many ways I already feel like I have had my first child (and then some) I will not be a very cautious first time 'can’t-take-my-baby-anywhere' mama. There are probably places I would be willing to take a baby that would make some new mothers pretty nervous. So when I think that there are certain places children just shouldn’t go I have good reason to believe it might be true that they don’t belong there.  Please, please do not take your newborn (and by newborn I mean umbilical cord and baby acne still not completely gone) to Wet n’ Wild (or any other comparable water park).  If you must (which I don’t see why you would and maybe you can explain to me) then please keep them out of the cesspool that is the lazy river! I don’t even feel that I should put myself in that nasty thing sometimes but I am grown (as in not under three weeks old) and therefore have a choice in said matter.  

I consider it a general rule of mine not to take babies/toddlers into any adult flicks, but I like to think parents know their children and can make their own choice. However, if said baby starts to cry please take them to the lobby! Do not get into a verbal argument with the man who has asked you to please sit down instead of bouncing baby up and down (right in front of him) trying to calm them. Most importantly though, do not take your three year old into Silent Hill at 9 o’clock at night ever!! Come on people, have you seen that movie?! And please, do not then reprimand said child to “hush up and go to sleep” when they start crying because the psycho-demon-things are pouring out of cracks in the screen and the movie goers are screaming.  I might feel the urge to pick up said child, cover their eyes as we exit the theater and cradle them in the lobby until they fall asleep while you finish the movie.  You may think it is crazy that a stranger is picking your child up but I think it is crazy that they are crying and telling you that they are tired and scared and you think that they will be able to just go to sleep in the middle of a movie that could give grown men nightmares! If you are said parent of said child then I apologize for being forward but I was just about to turn around and give you a piece of my mind.  I really wanted to! I gave it to Babe instead after the movie, mainly because I don’t really confront anyone - as I can't even tell the waiter when my food order is wrong - but I know he sure wished I had told you what I had to say instead of him.  So save him the agony next time and just keep your child at home or take them to Mary Poppins, but don’t make me cringe through an entire movie and almost offer to babysit (free of charge) because you needed to see a sub par movie that badly.  

Man I am dating how long I can hold onto some stuff considering when that movie came out but I feel I must speak up in protest for all those little voices that don't want to see demon spawn before they even reach the horrors of middle school! 

Now that I am in rant mood I could probably go into how I will feel in a few weeks when I finish reading HP and The Half-Blood Prince and then re-watch the movie, but I will just save it for another time. However, if anyone tries to argue with me that Harry Potter is a sissy because the movie 'done jacked' the ending all up then I can't make promises on your safety! Stay tuned folks (or don't if you wish to skip that post), I am giving far advanced warning.  

Ok, end rant and breathe! 

Seriously though if anyone out there has some encouragement that I am not alone in this to make me feel better for possibly offending someone that would be a great help.  Anywhere in particular you would not take your kid? 

Easy Peasy

The above is just for kicks and below is just some words for today since this one won't have all that many...

"Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you!" -Albus Dumbledore (Yes, I am rereading it... again! I am 'just-might-pee-my-pants' happy about it and don't think I could have picked a better time to do so.)

Today is a pretty easy one for me given that I don't have much to go off of but the posts from this challenge.  Day 21 people; this challenge is finally legal!

The following is my list of my favorite blog posts to date

Pre-challenge

The one where I live a thousand lives 

The one where I realize I fear my seventeen year old self

Challenge

The one where I love on words

The one where I suck at life laundry

The one with the 8 year old runaway (just because this story still gets me every time)

Help, I'm Living with my Husband!

Why does it feel to me that the topics for this challenge seem to fall on just the right - or wrong - day depending on the way you look at it?! This is going up a little later today because 1.) when my mom called to see if I wanted to do lunch I jumped at it in order to get away from the blank screen I was staring at trying to figure out a way to put my thoughts into words and 2.) after said lunch I walked through the aisles at Barnes and Noble and ran my hands along pretty new books because I needed some soul soothing. Now that my must read list has grown significantly and my brain is more focused (even if only slightly) I will try to share something I am struggling with.

*I apologize in advance if my thoughts seem jumbled and my words all over the place.  Change (even good) has a way of putting tightening hands around my brain and throat making both thinking and breathing just a tad bit harder. 

I am struggling with the thought of learning relearning how to live alone with my husband.  I am struggling with the fact that my life is changing. This change is a good thing; logically I know this, irrationally I just want to resume the craziness I have been living in and swim in it.  I hate change so much that I can hold onto chaos and craziness like it is a lifeline that will keep my head above water.  I am learning that it goes hand-in-hand with a chaos I lived in during my formative years, but that's a different story.

My brother-in-law has lived with us, for pretty much, going on two years now.  We have had some great times, we have had some rough times, and we have had some of that just living life stuff. We kind of had a Harry, Ron and Hermione thing going, except sometimes I think I was Harry and the two of them were Ron and Hermione (it's a strange brotherly bromance thing; I embrace that). However, this has meant that for two years I have had an extra body around to talk to.  I have had another person around to play off Andrew's grumpiness when it comes to school work. It has been a three person household and I had gotten used to it.

I now go back to what Andrew and I were pre-roomate and that has been so long ago now that I can't even remember.  I know it was calmer, I know it was more consistent, and I know it was more grounded but this craziness has become such a part of my life that I don't know what to do with it gone.  You see Oliver is a lot more like me (which also means we can butt heads easier) than Babe is.  I am not sure how I found him but I think Andrew has to be one of the only non-crazy souls left on earth! I truly believe we all have some amount of "cray" in us, yet Babes is very hard to find.  His motto? "I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my belly so all is right in the world." What I wouldn't give to have that mentality and not worry over every little thing that life throws my way (I'm trying).  I have this way of living life either in the clouds or five feet under water.  Right now I feel like I am constantly moving between the two and have no solid place to rest my thoughts.

I know that having my husband and my household back to "normal" is good.  I know that we need to get on with the life we had envisioned (whatever that was) and that it is good that Oliver will be living his life out on his own as well.  Yet I can't help but feel this sense of loss, even if it is just a loss of craziness (trust me when I tell you that these last two years have seen their moments).  How do I begin to go back to "grocery-shopping-date-nights" and quite rooms? I guess it's all an adjustment process from here and I am sure that in the end I will look back at this and be thankful but right now the unknown road ahead just kind of makes me cringe.

Reading this back over I can't help but feel a little foolish.  This shouldn't be that difficult.  It just all came on so fast.  We were originally planning for August (after having originally planned for the first of next year) when all of a sudden it was this weekend.  Rapid change really has a way of throwing me for a loop! On Wednesday when we found out it would be this weekend, I was like "hey I got this" and then last night after helping Oliver unpack in his new place and coming home to his empty spot in the driveway I realized "Holy smokes, everything is different.  I am alone with my husband! Good gracious what the heck am I going to do?!" Yes, please feel free to laugh at the absurdity of that.

I am not really even sure how to end this post because when my life seems to be looking at what I assume to be an endless period of change I can go on and on and on... as if by continuing to "talk" my world will continue to stay as it had. So, I think I will leave you with this; if you finished this 'long-winded, you-have-no-clue-why-this-lady-is-so-freaked-about-living-with-her-husband' post then I applaud and thank you! And because I am feeling nostalgic enjoy some pics from one of those greater moments together (ski trip to Colorado in January of 2012).