Ode to 17 Year Old Me Then and Now

I am excited to finally be jumping on the Blogtember train! I knew I wasn't going to try to blog my way all the way through, but there were certain prompts that caught my eye. Today's was the first one that really jumped out at me, mainly because I had actually done something similar when I first started this blog. I thought it would be neat to go to the beginning of it all, see where I started, where I was at during that time in my life and where things have come. 

Today's prompt asked us to write a letter to our 16 year old self and while my original letter was to my 17 year old self I figured it was close enough that I could break the rules a little (I have been known to do that from time to time, just ask 17 year old me). I figured I would share my original post and then build on the letter with what I have learned in the 2.5 years since it was written. The original letter (or ode really) read as follows... 
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Then

Ode to my 17 year old self

You think life is only going to exponentially get better and you think adulthood is some fairytale; Ha! Try again; life ain't no joke kid.  

You think that you will go off to college, be wild and crazy for awhile and then settle down; Ha again! You stay in your hometown for college (something you swore you would never do) by choice, you will get married as soon as college is over, after having spent the majority almost all of your college life acting as if you already were. 

You think that after getting married you will start a family right away and all will even out and be as it should; Ha ha!! You actually partake in some of that crazy college-like life that you didn't have about a year after getting married and realized that while fun, life happened as it should, you personally didn't miss out on much and had you actually done said "full-blown-crazy-college-life" you would not be where you are (God knew what He was doing).  You will also realize that as much as you assumed jumping right into having said baby would be a wonderful idea you had to learn to be a good wife first. Good wives set good examples for children down the road (or so you are now assuming). And you now know to think, "Life as it should be? What does that even mean?"

You will not even think about the things you will have lost along the road to where you are; please make sure you have told the people you love how much they truly mean. 

You will find comfort in the fact that you think she knew how much you loved her, but it will not make missing her all the time any easier. 

You think that things have gotten as bad as they can get with issues involving your brother; I am really sorry (for him and you and everyone) that that is just not true.  There is grace thrown in there though. You will learn how to play your part and when it is time to just bow out and realize that the best help you can give is to not try to fix everything.  You will learn to focus more on yourself and the things in you that need fixing. 

You assume that because you have stayed on a pretty good path you won't be tempted by anything "bad"; Oh contrare.  You just realize that temptation takes on different faces and while at 17 you would have never considered certain things "bad" they can still be just as damaging to your world if you let them be. 

You think that there may be the possibility of marrying the man in the picture next to you; yay for you! This one actually worked out for you (though there were times, due to your own ignorant head, that you could have wrecked everything).  Thank heavens the person next to you was already well on his way to being a stable, level-headed man and not some dumb boy who would have actually let you let yourself just walk away. 

You never think about how much said man in the picture will teach you; Oh my dear young soul; things; profound things (and not just laundry).  Remember to be thankful for him and not to take him for granted.  You do it far more often than you should; stop!

Oh the list of things I could continue to tell you about yourself and who you were and who we have become.  We are still changing.  We do not like change by the way (at least for right now), though I think I remember you did (does that mean that 26 year old you is scared of 17 year old you? Oh help us, maybe it does).  So I guess for now that is all I will leave you with, but please remember to be grateful always.  You have never had it all that terrible (and that is an immense understatement). 
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Now
Oh the feels I get when reading that now. There is so much that has changed and at the same time so much that hasn't. I think the biggest things I would add are... 

At 17 you don't know how broken the world can be, you had glimpses, but nothing to prepare you for the utter destruction that can hit a heart this side of Heaven. But you also don't know strength. Not yet. But you learn it, you watch it. You watch yourself and others pick up pieces that can't fully even mend on this Earth, but you pick it up at carry it. You carry yours, you carry others, and others help you lighten the load. You learn that this world is full of things that can trip you and take you under, but you learn that is also so very full (full to the brim) of Grace and Love and a community of people who understand that we need to have one another's backs in order to make life work well. It's the same community of people who supported you and shielded you as you grew. But now you are old enough to help them with that burden, a burden that becomes lighter as you work together. 

At 17 you don't know what losing a sibling can do to the inner workings of someone. But unfortunately you learned. You know that it can shift so many things inside your soul, but that you can still stay the same person all at the same time. You know that it can take you to the darkest of places, but that through that darkness there is a Light that only grows stronger in weakness and that shines in a different way now. 

You still take that boy next to you for granted too much, but there's a deeper appreciation for the man he is and the way he helps you follow your dreams! Praise the Lord you are learning to get a few things right in your old age. The man God gave you as a partner is so much better than you could have ever dared dream for, you've learned that along the way and you are still reminded of it all the time. He has taken the turns of life with you, the changes to your heart, and loved you solidly through it all. He has supported new dreams and held your hand as you worked through letting go of old ones. He, and your day-to-day life together, is your biggest adventure to date, don't ever forget that! 

Oh and guess what?! You have learned to embrace change! In fact, in some ways you have returned to your 17 year old adventurous soul. When your whole world changes in an instant you kind of have to roll with it. And you literally are. As in you bought an RV and plan to take the open roads by storm. You are dreaming of crazy things now, of changing the path your adult self had planned for your life. It's doubtful that you will really change it completely, but you aren't afraid to anymore. It's freeing really. You aren't as afraid of risks and change (part of you still thinks you should be), but instead the idea just incredibly excites you. 

And on that note I guess we will check back in in another 2.5 years. As which point this blog post will need to be written into a novel because it has just gotten way too long... 

Fort De Soto Camping and Egmont Key Great Florida Parks

Get outdoors and explore the beauty of Florida's parks at Fort Desoto and Egmont Key!

Happy Friday Folks!! This past weekend we had our first maiden voyage from home with Flo in tow! We managed to snag a last minute camping spot at Fort Desoto, a county park in Pinnellas. From there we were also able to explore the beauty of Egmont Key State Park.

I have decided to embrace the idea of blog videos and thought I would start what have now been dubbed, FloRida Road Talks! I figured videos would be a great way to share highlights from our trips and let you know what things you might want to see and what things to you may want to avoid. In this case there wasn’t much to avoid, except for our first try at a campground. But the rest of our trip was pretty spot on with what I had envisioned for Flo’s first big adventure (a warning that it is a little long, so if you would prefer to just watch the sweet little critter snippets of fun, they are at the end of the video)…

Let me first apologize for the thousands of ‘ummms and ‘likes’ that I used! This is all still a learning experience and those are my go to nervous fillers! I thought briefly of doing another when we got home, but then I thought, "no, that's what Flo is for! She is for the freedom to grow and learn and to be free to just be yourself!" So it stuck!

Also, if you are wondering where our first campground was it was Vacation Village. It was a nice place, with a pool, shuffle board and a rec room with pool tables. It was nicely kept and maybe if it hadn’t been our first big adventure we would have just rolled with it. But with it being literally right off the interstate and on a main road, with the ability to see into the apartment that bordered the park it just wasn’t the fit for us. But you may prefer to have lots of amenities nearby. We wanted more of a ‘back-to-nature, different-than-home’ experience. I will just need to look further into the Encore parks so that we know more about where we are staying next time we use our free days. They have their own island in the Keys so that will probably be where we chose to go. Anyone have any experience with the Thousand Trails/ Encore resorts?

Fort De Soto Campground

We had heard that the Fort De Soto Campground was nearly impossible to get into without booking months ahead. Somehow we got lucky! The sweet lady who let us borrow her canoe said that happens. She said that people book months in advance but then when they realize they can’t actually go that weekend they will call and cancel. She said if you just keep calling that you often get lucky. So just know that is an option. Or you could just wait until day of like we did (maybe not the best choice but hey, sometimes things work out). I seriously felt like we had won the lottery!

Booking a Ferry to Egmont Key 

The ferry we booked to Egmont Key State Park is the only one that runs out of the Fort De Soto Park, though they aren’t actually affiliated with the park itself. They have two departure times, but sometimes the return trips change. It was advertised that they have return options at 2, 3 and 6. However the day we went there was only one return trip at 2:30. This depends on weather forecasts and season. So check ahead! 

Things to Know for Egmont Key State Park

If we had better prepared we would have probably gone earlier had we known 1.) how nice it would be and 2.) that there would only be one return trip that day. The crew was great; friendly and informative, and we couldn’t recommend it more. They prefer cash (though they will take credit cards), but I hadn’t thought to make sure we had extra cash to tip the captain. I would recommend making sure you have a few extra bucks cash - or if you end up buying something aboard the ferry (chips, snorkel gear, lunch, etc.) then you can pay with a credit card and add a tip for them that way!

Our experience really was great! We loved Fort De Soto camping and Egmont Key was a great state park. We will be back for sure!

And just for giggles – or for those of you who, like me, might be challenged with assisting in backup of large machinery - here is a video courtesy of the man who doesn’t like to be on the camera often! Yet, for someone who prefers to be behind the scenes wheel, he doesn’t seem to mind as much when he is “teaching” me the proper etiquette on all things hauling and work related!

Things I learned from videos this go around

1.) Be more planned out so as to avoid taking up time with the words um and like. If I had put them all together in one long um and like compilation I'm betting it would take up over a minute of the video (sorry folks)!! 

2.) Condense!! I am a talker and I love little extra blurbs, but it doesn't mean everyone else does. And it makes the video reeaallyy long- again sorry!! 

3.)  Don't sweat the learning process! Like any new thing it takes time and practice, so give yourself the grace to make mistakes and learn on the go! 

Thanks for stopping by! Hope you find yourself adventuring soon!!

September Currently

Can y'all believe it is already September?! I can't! But I am looking forward to all things Fall and some cooler weather! 

I am joining in for a little September Currently fun with Jenna and Anne!

 

Reading- I am actually currently listening to a book on Hoopla. I am not usually one for books on audio. I much prefer the feeling of a book in my hand, where I can breathe it in and turn the pages. There is something therapeutic about it to me. It is also the reason I am an opponent of Nooks and Kindles. However, we were supposed to read The Good Girl for our book club and I thought I had an extra week, but surprise (or more so my inability to understand time) it was tonight! So yesterday I downloaded it (for FREE!!) and got to speed listening. I've been listening in the car, in the tub, in the bed, around the house... and it's actually pretty nice! The book is pretty good too. It is told from a lot of different perspectives and times, which I don't typically like as much, but maybe the different voices over audio help with that! I would definitely say it's worth a read (or a listen).

Making- Nada! Well, does popcorn count?! Babe was out of town so that usually means I sit around, eat popcorn for dinner every night and watch Harry Potter! What I need to be doing is making a list of things to do to get this house in order. Maybe I will start now, but then again, that's doubtful!

Pinning- Things and plans for Flo! This is one that I am thinking of getting and framing for above the bed...

source

Anticipating- Flo's first road talk video! I decided that one of the best ways to share some of the places we go, with all of you, was through videos. That idea led to plans to talk through our adventures on our way home. I dubbed these videos, FloRida Road Talks. And while I was excited about the idea, I think I was so nervous for the first one that I didn't realize how many times I used "um" and "like" and rambled on. In hindsight it was a lot. I am not sure yet if the first road talk will make it's way on to this space, but part of me also thinks it would be neat to just add it and see how the first video compares to ones 'down the road' as I learn more with each new one. We will find out one way or another when I post about our trip to Fort De Soto! 

Loving- I am loving the new look of Pick Your Plum!! If you have never heard about this site, it is a great place to find super great stuff at even greater prizes (yes, there's just a lot of greatness going on)! I love my new adventure necklace - at least that's what I call (it gives me a Hunger Games vibe for some reason) and I love checking in on some of the sweet deals they have. I figured with all the love going on I would share so of my finds with you. I am giving away one of the necklaces (all wrapped up and new, since the one pictured it mine) and a pocket 'Bucket List' notepad in honor of the bucket list I am still working my way through putting together.

Good luck and happy September!! 

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5 Things for Friday: Loving Lately

Yay, it's Friday!! You get a Friday and you get a Friday, everybody gets a Friday!
I love hanging out with the ladies from the 5 on Friday! Here are 5 things I am loving lately! 

First 5 App

I love my new First 5 app. It is an App, run by Proverbs 31 Ministries, that has a small devotional devoted to the first 5 minutes of each day. As a quote lover, I also love that each day starts out with a quote like the one above. You can set your alarm through the app so that, upon waking up, there is a reminder to open the devotion of the day. It's purpose is to devote the first 5 minutes of each day to God. I had been looking for something that would hold me accountable of that. So often I would wake up and lay in bed for who knows how long and the first thing I would do is pop open Instagram or Facebook. I wanted something to do that would put my focus on a moment with Jesus before I did anything else. I tried it on my own, to just spend a moment in pray before my feet got out of bed, but there were many days I wouldn't. So far I am 4 for 4 with the First 5 app and I hope it stays that way. Not only does it help me focus my mind and heart on Jesus, but it has also helped get me out of bed and going quicker. I feel refreshed and ready to start the day, have a little breakfast and then sit down for more intentional devotion time and a less early morning brained mind. I love it! And it's free! So you should try it!

Trader Joe's Asparagus Risotto

I finally introduced Babe to Trader Joe's! And we finally decided to try the whole freezer, stove-top meal thing instead of constantly eating out or picking something up (or eating cookies for dinner, who am I kidding?!). We LOVE the asparagus risotto! We ate it alone this time (so that we could have cookies after dinner; I think my cookie obsession is getting out of hand) but next time plan to pair it with some chicken breast. If you haven't tried it yet, you should! It is delicious!

Flo!

I feel like I can't do a post these days without mentioning how much I love Flo! I am so excited for our first big journey this weekend! We have our 'things to do' planned for our time in St. Pete, but we could use a little help with the 'where to eats'. Anyone know of any good lunch restaurants in the St. Pete/ Clearwater beach area? Think local, fresh flair. 

NOT going to the Apple Store! 

So, my new phone decided to just randomly quit on me. Just like that! Nothing wrong, just went dead. For over 6 hours!! I figured I was done for. I went to Verizon, but they couldn't do anything because it was past the 14 days. They said my best bet was to go to the Apple store and hope they could fix it, but that if not the Apple store could give me a new phone on the spot. I was actually thinking about going all weekend without one; horror of horrors, I know, but I didn't want anything taking time away from Flo's maiden voyage. Actually, a day without a phone was really nice and I was almost looking forward to a whole weekend without it. But then, I got home last night, tried the button one more time and voila, it was working. I don't know. I am just hoping it doesn't happen again. 

Freebies! 

I love freebies and I love my oils. I have been using Young Living oils for almost 6 months now and love them. I use them everyday. I don't talk about them on here often because this space isn't really for that. But, in honor of Flo's first weekend leaving from home and her excitement about her new "no bugs" oil, she wanted to offer up a sale and figured I should share with you what I am sharing with my friends and family at home. So, if you have ever thought about trying essential oils now is the time. The starter kit is already on sale and I am offering one of my favorite summer oils for free (deal goes through Sunday)! Choose from either Citronella (to keep all those 'squitos away) or Grapefruit (tastes delicious in water and helps curb cravings/ kick up metabolism). Feel free to email me with any questions or if you want to jump right in you can order here (member number 9759174).

And with that I am off!! We are pulling out of the driveway in 5 minutes to embark upon Flo's first big adventure! Fort DeSoto here we come!!
Have a fabulous weekend y'all!! 

Words for Wednesday: A Battle We Can't Lose

I was running late, I debated skipping service. I am glad I didn't. On Sunday at church we wrapped up Romans chapter 7. And it started with these questions...

What names do you try to live up to? 

What names do you carry around like a weight you can't throw off?

As the sister of an addict I took on a lot of them for a very long time. I was the "older brother" before I really realized what that meant. And I carried it around with me like it was something I had to live up to, like it was something I should live up to; at times even something I felt I should be proud. Growing up with an addict, or even just a sibling who causes trouble a lot, there can be that sibling who feels like they have to be the "good kid". That was me. You feel like you have to make up for all the issues that happen along the way. But it only causes more; more issue for you, more issues for everyone. It causes you to walk in a way that is not only unrealistic, but damaging.

When I was growing up I viewed Christianity in the same way I viewed being the sibling of an addict. I viewed it in a "I need to be better and do better, because that is what you are supposed to do" way. And it left me feeling resentful, it left me without relationship... it left me on the outside of my relationship with Jesus and it left me on the outside of my relationship with my brother. It wasn't until I was older, as I really began to actually pour into and explore my walk with God, that I realized that the weight of what I was asking of myself was not only too heavy, but that it was impossible and served no purpose. God didn't want me to act out of a need to please, God wanted me to simply be. To come to Him as I am, to admit to Him the brokenness that hurt my soul and to ask Him to fill in where I couldn't. He wanted me to adore Him as someone who wanted my trust and love more than he wanted my blind "rule-following."

It doesn't mean that I have really changed my ways. I still ultimately try to do good and make the right choices, but for a different reason. For the same reason that loving someone and being loved in return makes us want to be the best version of ourselves. For the reason that when we know we are so deeply Loved and cherished, we want to show our love in return not only with words but with actions.

When I realized the plight of the "older brother" and how lost he was, I broke. And that moment, though I didn't realize it then, was freeing. I was free to let go of the weight of having to be the "good kid" and I was free to build relationships instead of walls. And as my relationship with Jesus (and understanding of what Grace truly means) grew into a personal one, my relationship with my brother did too. Does that mean it was perfect? Does that mean I didn't struggle and grapple with my anger at the choices he made? No, I still did. All the time. But it did mean forgiveness had room to seep in (me for him and him for me). And it meant that I now have moments to be so thankful for after my brother ultimately had his struggle be one that took him from us here. And it also means that I can be so thankful that his struggle didn't truly win. That even though addiction is a horrible, ugly thing, that kills bodies and splits families wide open, it doesn't have the ultimate victory. It isn't the ultimate victory! My brother, with his brokenness and addiction and also his zest for life and huge heart, believed that Jesus came to save him. And Jesus did come to save him. And because of that, Jesus won! My brother's struggle didn't win. My own struggles won't win.

Today would have been my brother's birthday. Today IS my brother's birthday. I hadn't realized that when I first wrote the majority of this piece after Sunday's church sermon with plans to post it today. But I find it to be so ultimately fitting. Today John Wayne is celebrating with Jesus. Today is he having the best birthday party any of us could ever hope to have. Today he is winning at life!!  

The battle won't be easy, it was never promised that it would be. 

But you can approach a battle differently when you know it is one that you can NOT lose. 

And for that, I am thankful. Thankful beyond measure, beyond name, and beyond any need to be anything other than myself.

Photo credit from Summit Church; listen to the whole sermon by Zach Van Dyke here.