The Ache of the Wait

I finally sat down to write this post, after I spent the better part of the day trying to avoid it. This space has become more than I had ever envisioned for it, but it often times puts my heart at war with my head. Sharing the mix of the hard, in with mixes of the joy can make me feel as if I don't know the voice of this space, but then I have come to realize that it's all just my voice and some days that voice is light and carefree and some days it can feel as if the weight of the world can leak out when I open my mouth. That's where it started today. Yet, as I wrote, I found myself with this sense of deja vu, so I looked back through last years posts and discovered that I had written nearly the same post I had just started. As I reread my own words, they spoke to my heart the things I needed and so I thought I would share them again, but add a little more this time. 

You see, I had approached Thanksgiving with a sense of anxiety I didn't realize I had until the holiday weekend ended and I finally found that I could breathe again, like taking a long breathe of air after trying to see how far you could swim underwater before surfacing. And then on the ride to work the other day, I found myself singing along to my Christmas CD, when tears I didn't even know I had coming found themselves streaking down my face. It had started with the words, "...Trust me and follow me and I will lead you Home." The next thing I know I am trying to get out the words to my Grownup Christmas List and my heart seems to understand every word in a different way and the song became more of a prayer than a song and "I'm all grown up now, but I still need help somehow" seemed to reverberate through my soul and out into the world. And I found myself wondering if it's not just those that have lost someone close, but really all of us who have fully entered the world of adulthood and taken off the blinders that leave us feeling this ache of Christmas. 

When I was writing today's post in my head, before I ever remembered last years post, I had been thinking about the ache of the wait leading up to Jesus' birthday. The post I found was actually written a few days after Christmas and this is what it said... 

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The tree stands glowing in the center of the window, in the same place it has always stood, adorned with the same ornaments for over 20 years. It looks the same as it always has, yet it means something different this year. It holds on its limbs the sweetest of memories, but they are memories so very sweet that they leave an ache behind. An empty, dull, pit in your stomach ache, because they hold all that isn't there. It meant the same last year, but I may have been too blinded with grief that I didn't see them. Or they were too hard to put up. This year the sting wasn't so fresh. It didn't take just the feel of the breeze to make the world hurt. But the ache is still there, it will always be there. In the mention of a name and in the ornaments that hang amid light draped branches. They are the sweetest memories and they still can be. But it's the texts you get from your dad, who is putting the ornaments on the tree, saying it's a slow going process. He doesn't say why, but you know. So you go over and you help and though you don't hang but one ornament its just the fact that there is someone there to look and see. To look and see and not need to say anything, because you both know what the other is thinking. You both know that the ornaments mean so much, but feel so hard. 

The ache is still there on Christmas morning. It's there when you are making waffles and eating them. And it's there as tears fall down faces during a pre-breakfast prayer. It's there in between all the wrapping paper and bows. It's there when presents are presented. Beautiful paintings that so artistically brought sweet memories to life. Yet, the ache is there because on this side of heaven the closest we will get to life here on earth with my brother is the smile in the paintings and in the memories that fill our hearts. It's there when you smile at the joy of a three year old opening presents, hugging Elsa dolls close. It ebbs and flows and sometimes gets forgotten, but it comes back. And really that's ok. 

The ache can be handled, it can be tolerated. Though we hate that it has to be tolerated, we will tolerate it all the same. Because it's better than forgetting all together. For numbing it down so much that you crawl blindly through the holidays. That's about where I was last year, there isn't much that I remember. This year the picture is different. There was more color, more light. There was so much more life in this Christmas. I am glad for that. I am glad that on Christmas, on the time of year that we celebrate life, that we celebrate the greatest Birth there ever was, that I can ache. When a part of you is gone, some of you will always ache. I think it is similar to the way our hearts are hardwired to ache for Jesus. We think fondly of the sweetest gift, the gift that filled the whole world with hope. We ache for the fact that we are so far from sitting face-to-face with Jesus, but we are glad for the fact that someday we will. I am glad that the ache can remind me of all that was good. I am glad for the sweet memories of life that will make it just as hard to take down the tree as it was to put up. And I am glad for the fact that, while I ache here on earth, it is just a matter of time before I see my brother again and get to rejoice at seeing his face. I get to rejoice because the sweet memories will be there, but all the hard things will be long forgotten. 

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My gosh, how those words just echoed in my heart again this year. But in a different way. This year, the anxiety felt different and now having made it through Thanksgiving, I have a better understanding of it. I know when it comes and I can greet it with a nod of my head. It still sits there, but there is more joy in those moments. The joy and sorrow aren't separate things anymore, but a mix of it all. Even in the midst of moments that, in the previous two years would have left me unable to speak, I am able to fondly talk about memories with a sense of joy and light in my voice. Time has given me that. And while time can not erase the hurt that lingers, I don't think it should. Our hearts should be hardwired to hurt for things that are wrong. Our hearts should ache and cry out and pray loudly words like, 

"No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
and wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list" 

Our hearts should ache for the coming of Jesus, so that His birth gives way to the joy of what the gift of His Love really means; which is that someday all of those prayers will be answered. Some day the ache will lead to Him coming to us, taking us by the hand and saying. "Trust me and follow me, we are going Home."

Currently December & a Giveaway

Linking up with Anne and Jenna for another edition of Currently! Join me?

Wishing~ That this Advent season would linger. That each day I would be mindful to carve out time to just sit and soak in what this season means and celebrate the true Gift of Christmas and what it means that Jesus was born. 

And maybe for a few of these goodies too! 

Remembering~ Memories of past travels and Christmases as we decorated the tree. And remembering my sweet Mimi, whose tree topper Angel now adorns our tree. I love our tree and carrying on the tradition my mom had of decorating with the hodgepodge of ornaments made or collected over the years. When we got our house my mom gave me a box with a lot of my ornaments from when I was a kid, so it is really neat to have those, as well as the all the ones I have made or collected for us as a couple. It makes decorating the tree each year such a wonderful trip down memory lane! 

Baking~ Not a lot lately! I did manage to roast some pumpkin seeds though and have two more pumpkins that I plan to do the same with! I just can't keep myself from craving some honey roasted pumpkin seeds, so I usually save a few pumpkins for well into December. I am pretty sure I even managed to get one through January last year!!

Decorating~ The tree!! This year we had my niece the night we got the tree and she helped us decorate. We were only going to do the lights the night we got it, but she was so excited that we did it all! Also, decorating with a 4 year old makes the tree extra fancy. There is literally an entire line of ball ornaments on the bottom of the tree. And the side she couldn't see?! Completely naked! It reminded me of when my siblings and I were kids and my parents would have to press us to put ornaments on the side facing the window. It was bittersweet thinking about as I was decorating with her, knowing her dad wouldn't be here to share in those memories, but how thankful I am to have her to share them with and to tell her stories about her daddy from when we were little. I thought about rearranging things once she left, but figured, nope! It's just extra ready for Santa! Especially the bottom of it. Who cares if the neighbors think we own no ornaments because the window side is bare?!

Wrapping~ Not much! We decided to fore go spouse gifts this year and are only doing stockings over here. And I am still waiting for all the gifts for my parents, and the nieces and nephews, to make their way over from Amazon so I really haven't done much wrapping at all! However, I am really excited to wrap up this giveaway and get it in the mail for one lucky reader.

I thought with all the hustle and bustle the season can bring, that I would share a little package that might help someone find a quiet moment to sit for a while; to breathe in and just enjoy the small wonders that surround this time of year and to maybe take a moment to de-stress if needed. So I am dubbing this the Bee Stress-free Giveaway! It includes this great adult coloring book that I got from blogging for books (and a set of colored pencils). I love adult coloring! It is so soothing and really helps to give my mind a break from the running lists of things to get done. 

Every Little Thing is the cutest coloring book! Perfect for the nature and animal lover, as each page is filled with the sweetest little creatures you ever did see! And you get to color them! You want a pink panda?! Go for it! Seriously, how cute are these pages?! 

I am also including some honey from the Savannah Bee Company and a bag of coffee! I have been wanting to share my love for honey in my coffee with others and thought what a perfect addition! A little coloring time, with a nice hot cup of coffee sweetened with honey?! That sounds like my kind of moment! Seriously, for those of you who haven't tried honey in coffee, you are missing out! I use to use it as a way to cut down on refined sugar and would do half sugar, half honey. Now I'm 100% honey! It adds such a great flavor to a regular cup of joe! This Barney's brew does have some natural hints of flavoring too it, which I thought would be a nice holiday treat, but it's also amazing with just your regular, everyday blend as well! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck!

Happy December! 

Christmas is Coming! 2015 Wish Lists

Happy Monday World!! I am linking up for a little holiday prep fun this morning with a wish list of my own and one Flo asked me to share with you. Happy Holidaying! 

Stocking Stuffers!
This is a big thing in our house. Stockings are the one thing Babe and I do, just the two of us, first thing Christmas morning, before we head out to go anywhere. Sometimes Babe gripes and grumbles (especially since stuffers have changed from a majority of necessity items like deodorant to small heart warmth gifts of thought- though we do still add some necessity fillers, I mean the man needs his shaving cream), but I actually think he doesn't want to let on that he secretly loves stockings. It's taken on an even bigger deal this year as we have made a no gift rule for each other outside of stocking stuffing. I was not backing down! So here are some of my favorites...

2015 Stocking Stuffer Wish List by lifessweetwords on Polyvore

Savannah Bee Company: Honey for Cheese~ oh my new found love! Honey for cheese is the bomb! Really honey for everything is the bomb! Usually I will just use a bit of whatever honey I have one hand at the time, but honey for cheese itself has a thickness to it that is just perfection!
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me~ Because every good stocking needs a book and I am loving me some Mindy lately!
Favorite Books Mugs~ I recently met Melissa through a bible study and she is the sweetest! Then after finding her on Insta, I also found that she is the brains and creator of Melissa Creates and I fell head over heels for both the Harry Potter and Hunger Games themed mugs! Be still my book loving heart! 
ABD Printed Tank~ I have been all about some printed tanks lately! Mix that with my need for encouragement while I to workout and this Ashley Brooke Designs Work It Tank is perfect! 
Colored Pencils~ I have a new found love for adult coloring books and I would love a nice set of colored pencils, full of every pretty shade of color, to accompany my stress relieving, coloring moments. 
Coloring Book~ I am also pretty fond of this cute little coloring book! 
...Ok, so some of these may be slightly bigger than your average sized stocking stuffers, but hey, it's all we're doing this year, Santa can find a way to stuff things snuggly. 

Flo's Wish List
Flo is quite a particular RV. She has her quirks and she has compiled her own list of things that she hopes Santa brings her this year.

Flo's 2015 Wish List by lifessweetwords on Polyvore

Solar Panels~ Flo's biggest dream is to go boon-docking out in the wild blue yonder, but that requires some special accouterments and solar panels are one of her biggest wishes.
Ashley Brooke Designs Going Places Travel Mug~ Flo may love dirt on her wheels, but she loves being fancy too and she loves ABD just as much as I do, which is why the Going Places mug is right up her alley.
Camco TastePURE Water Filter~ Flo is tried of water bottles filling up her fridge and she would really like to be more recycle friendly, so she would love a water filter so that her people will drink the water from the sink. And also so that when they brush their teeth the water doesn't taste funny.
Jiffy Pop~ Flo's love from popcorn that isn't from a microwave battles my own and she is quite the fan of some Jiffy!
Inflatable Stand Up~ Oh, my sweet Flo is a big dreamer! She would love an Inflatable SUP, but she seems to have forgotten she was the big gift this year. However, she told me she is allowed to dream and considering I said the same thing to Babe, in our preFlo purchase discussions, I figured I would let her dream big and keep my fingers crossed that Santa put her on the nice list!
Tank Happiness~ Flo doesn't like to go in to detail about personal matters, but she does prefer having a nice, fresh tank and so she hopes Santa stuffs some of these discreetly towards the bottom of her stocking.

I must say this was a pretty nice way to beat the Monday, post holiday blues. Now it's off to work with dreams of sugar plums and stockings and Christmas decoration planning! 

What's on your wish list this year? 

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving Y'all! Hope you are enjoying this beautiful day with family and friends! 

    Thankful for...
A Husband who understands my quirks, takes care of me, puts up with me and helps me follow my dreams. 
    A tribe of people who I am absolutely crazy about! Find your tribe and love them hard! 
    New adventures and a new day each morning to find joy in the little moments. 
    Kiddos in my life who remind of the wonders in the world and help bring out my own inner kid!
    Family! Through the ups and downs, when they drive us crazy or go crazy with us, they are there!   
    Ultimate Love through Jesus and the Grace that means I get to be part of His story! 
    Life; it sure does have its moments... beautiful, broken, awesinpiring moments and 
I am so very THANKFUL for all of them. 

FloRida Road Adventure to Crystal River

Happy Tuesday! We are back from Flo's third big trip. This time we found ourselves in Crystal River, Florida. We absolutely loved Crystal River! Here's why...

Crystal River is super quaint. It actually reminded me a lot of the sweet little fishing towns you see in a Nicholas Sparks movie. It was quiet and picturesque, but there was also a whole lot to do. This is the perfect destination for anyone who loves to adventure and be on the water!

Where We Stayed:

Crystal Isles RV Resort is so far our favorite of all the Encore/ Thousand Trails spots we have stayed. Crystal Isles is set back in the woods, just the way I like it! Almost every spot is either on the water or has water visibility. The resort sits right on a canal just off the main channel of the river. It was quiet, beautiful and had great amenities. Our favorite? The pontoon boats they had that could be rented, either by the half or full day. We got there later in the afternoon on Friday and spent the evening boating up and down the river right up until the sun set. It was a beautiful way to get a first glimpse of what Crystal River had to offer! It was a really nice feature for the park to have, especially since pretty much everyone staying there had a boat. I would have been quiet envious seeing people motoring out, so having an option for those who don't own a boat was great. We also really liked that this park seemed to consist of a majority of fellow road travelers like us. There were a few seasonal setups or longer stay residents, but most people seemed to be traveling from elsewhere. RVs (and lots of boats) kept rolling on in. Crystal Isles is really a great place for fishers or boaters! It has quiet a number of spots where you can put your boat in and leave it docked right off your campsite for the length of your stay. Great from those who don't want to have to put in and take out everyday.
Other great perks included a pool and hot tub, great clubhouse with games and darts, big outdoor chess board, horse shoes, volleyball and a set of swings. Don't have an RV? We also saw a set of tent campers, plus they have a row of cabins that you can rent. With not a lot of super close state park options if you want to stay in the heart of Crystal River, this spot was the perfect medium. In my opinion it actually had a very state park feel to it, in the fact that it was set back in the woods, while also being conveniently located to restaurants and grocery stores for stocking up on essentials (about 5+ minute drive). Overall, this was a great spot and we plan to be back!

What We Did:
Oh, you guys! Let me tell you! Crystal River is a nature lovers dream!
Our main mission for this trip was to meet some manatees, but we found so much more to love too!
~Befriending Manatees~ This was definitely the highlight of the trip for me! I have dreamed of swimming with sea cows for as long as I can remember. This trip let me check it off the bucket list! Crystal River is the only place (apparently in the world) where it is still legal to be in the water with manatees. We went to Manatee Tour and Dive and they were wonderful. They were so knowledgeable about the manatees and you can tell they really care about what they do. You can not touch the manatees (though they can and may touch you), despite what pictures will show when you google Crystal River and manatee swimming. While I was really hoping to get to touch one when they explained how to passively observe the manatees, and why it is important, you could hear how seriously they take conservation and I really respect that. So, we were given wetsuits, snorkel gear and a noodle, loaded the boat and off we went in search for sea cows! Our guide, Bryan, was great at finding all the best spots and at showing us how to get in and stay alongside the manatees. Though there weren't a lot right now due to the late winter (oh, Florida!), we got to see a handful of grown manatees and one super cute manatee calf, whom I dubbed Carl! And I saw a stingray too! Word of warning: It is cold! But you get used to it pretty quickly. We were in and out of the water for about two hours, sometimes in for over 30 minutes, and while you aren't really swimming, more like floating (you aren't supposed to kick your legs), you can get a little tired, so I would recommend bringing water to stay hydrated and make sure you eat a good sized breakfast if you go. ** If you plan ahead, you can also get some pretty good Manatee Tour Deals on Groupon! 

~Crystal River Archaeological State Park~ We hadn't planned to go here. I had actually stumbled across it while googling hiking in Crystal River and decided not to go because it really wasn't a hike. However, we actually saw it while we were out on the boat (right at the entrance to the canal for Crystal Isles) and it looked pretty neat so we docked in a little slip there on the grounds and got out to explore. I am really glad we did! There was a very interesting history behind the place. It was a ceremonial/ burial site for Native American and there are assumed to be between 3,000 and 5,000 bodies buried on site. There is a museum you can go to and then you take the walk to all of the sites, including a tall mound that you walk up. Though we didn't stay for it, the park ranger was setting up for a night walk they were going to be doing later that evening. They do them once a month and walk you around and tell you the history of the grounds. Definitely a great place to learn about true Florida history.

~Drive Fort Island Trail~ We did this later in the afternoon on Saturday. After going back to rest for a bit after the manatee swim (plus waiting for the rain to stop), we got in the car and drove the length of the road that our RV park sat on. It's a great drive with a lot of great places to get out and explore. There are two great hiking spots that I never found when I was googling places to hike. They are part of the Great Florida Birding Trail and one of them (the second spot as you're heading towards the Gulf) was one of my favorite hikes we have ever done. It is an out and back through beautiful marsh land. The trail as a little wet from the rain, but I love the added adventure of trying to keep my feet dry! We hiked it as the sun was going down, which added to the beauty, but also kept us from making our way all the way to the end so I can't wait to do it again. Fort Island Trail dead ends at Fort Island Gulf Beach. It's a great little spot for getting some sun and also has a public boat ramp and fishing pier, plus a fun little boardwalk hike between the pier and the beach. I would definitely recommend taking the drive, even if you don't plan to hike far. It was a beautiful drive and we saw very few other drivers so you really feel like you are on a back road out in the middle of nowhere.

Where We Ate:
Food, glorious food! A lot of my love for a place can be determined on the eating options, which I think is what sealed the deal on making Crystal River one of my favorite new spots.
~Cracker's~ I love spots on the water! Crystal River has a few options, but we chose Cracker's based on the fact that they had oysters. A lot of times, river dining can be great and others the view is what is bringing people and not the food. This place was great, because I would come for both! I got the grilled oysters and they came shucked and ready and they were delightful. Babe got a grouper sandwich and said that the fish was really well cooked and tasted great! The only downside for me would be the birds and squirrels. They were a little too peoplized and since they both freak me out it was not so comforting. However, it was quite the show to watch one of the waitresses try to scare them off with water guns. I actually think I may have seen one of the squirrels stop and try to catch it in his mouth for a drink. Ok, so that's an exaggeration, but still.

~Copp Winery~ Oh this place was my absolute favorite! It is a cute little wine and beer brewery. It is very deceiving from outside, because it looks so small and quaint (quaint is a big Crystal River word for me apparently) that you wouldn't think they would have room to brew. But brew they do! And it is delightful. Babe really liked his flight options and I (not being a beer girl) loved that they had wine too. And sweet wine!! I had a wine named after a manatee! They also had some really good food options. We opted for the cheese plate and enjoyed it immensely. They even had a homemade mozzeralla that was delicious! Though we didn't stay for dinner, they did have some sandwich options if  you were looking for a bigger meal. There is also a really cool secret feature, but I won't spoil the surprise in case you go! The prices were super reasonable too, which was just icing on the cake!

And though we didn't eat there, we stopped in for a cup of coffee at the Highland House and oooo, yum!! I got a caramel latte that reached right to my soul! Babe got a coffee and together our bill didn't reach what I hit on one drink at Starbucks. Can't beat that!

Overall I loved pretty much every minute of this trip and if you have ever thought about visiting Crystal River I fully believe you should! Like yesterday! We can't wait to go back and try our hands at scalloping when the season rolls around!

Happy Adventuring Y'all!! 

Have a beautiful day!

*We used Groupons and camping discounts for a portion of this trip, but all opinions are completely ours.